Online dating appears to be the ideal way to meet a potential partner: being able to confidently speak to someone without the pressure of meeting them face to face. Society has romanticized the concept of digital dating in print advertisements and in the realm of film and television. With the uprising of social media and mobile dating applications, digital dating has become the most convenient platform for individuals to pursue romantic relationships, as people are addicted to their smart phones (Reed, Tolman, Ward, Safyer, 2015). Digital dating creates an ideal situation for those who have social anxieties through face to face interactions, a phenomenon that is now more common than ever. However, beneath the simple gesture of swiping left or right lies the destructive reality of digital dating. With unlimited access into a potential partner’s life through online platforms, an immediate presumptive judgement of character regarding the potential partner is made. The ability to form meaningful and deep relationships is undermined, and individuals lose the confidence to communicate offline (in person). This essay will consider how online dating has negatively impacted how millennials connect, interact, and date in today’s technology based society.

 

               As online dating platforms become more prevalent, so do the concerns that come with digital dating. There are more than 10 million active users on Tinder, and more than half of those users claim their experiences using the application led to casual sex instead of forming deep emotional relationships (Sumter, Vandenbosch, Ligtenberg 2017). This example is a result of individuals choosing potential partners based on their appearance and interests that one displays online. By using online platforms, one can strategically mediate what personal information they choose to share on their profiles. As well, individuals are more likely to lie online than offline, which can result in creating a skewed version of themselves that they want others to see and believe (Kang and Hoffman 2011). The slanted version of oneself advertised on dating applications is rarely used with the intention of forming intimate relationships, but instead quick sexual encounters. This is because a proper relationship cannot be successful based on lies that are displayed online.

 

               Self-presentation is an important component of how individuals connect online and decide whether or not they want to pursue a relationship (Davis, Fingerman 2015). Millennials tend to post more provocative photos to get others’ attention online; this may send a promiscuous messages as opposed to suggesting one wants a serious relationship (Davis, Fingerman, 2015). A study conducted on the use of online dating to meet sexual partners concluded that the most important factor for individuals on dating sites was physical attractiveness (Couch, Liamputtong, 2008). This study suggests that individuals make an initial decision of whether or not they want to pursue a relationship before actually meeting face to face, as they have already made their decision based on the individuals online persona. Digital dating is closely associated with casual sex, rather than forming deep emotional connections because individuals are increasingly focused on superficial aspects (Sumter, Vandenbosch, Ligtenberg 2017).

 

               There are two screening processes that occur when individuals begin digital dating. First, when two people match online and cyber stalk their potential partner to decide whether or not they want to pursue the relationship online. The second screening process occurs following an online interaction where the individual will then decide to switch from online to offline dating. “68% of online daters indicated that they consider the first face to face meeting to function as a ‘screening out process’ that determines whether a relationship is worth pursuing” (Ramirez, Artemio, Sumner, Fleuriet, Cole 2015). The second screening process defeats the purpose of interacting with someone online beforehand. If two individuals immediately meet in person following an online interaction, two screening processes can be avoided, as face to face interactions are quicker and easier to determine if they are interested in the other individual or not (Ramirez, Artemio, Sumner, Fleuriet, and Cole 2015). Online dating enables individuals to discover simple information about another person, for example, who their favourite band is. However, meeting face to face provides an experience where one can determine their own interest through physical identity as they can actually have a discussion about their favourite band rather than just reading it online (Ramirez, Artemio, Sumner, Fleuriet, Cole 2015). Although many individuals meet their partners online at first, the offline interaction is more influential in their decision to continue the relationship or not. A study conducted on the effects of modality switching on relational communication between online daters, suggests that the sooner a relationship mediates the switch from online to offline, the more successful the relationship will be (Ramirez, Artemio, Sumner, Fleuriet, Cole 2015). Having an initial face to face interaction instead of hiding behind a screen would provide the tools to create a successful and meaningful relationship from the start, instead of waiting for both screening processes to occur.

               Online dating applications are generally used to meet potential partners; however, for others, it can be used for social gratification. Individuals use online dating platforms to satisfy their own psychological needs related to self-worth (Sumter, Vandenbosch, Ligtenberg 2017). For example, when one matches with numerous attractive partners they validate their own sex appeal, which results in increased self-confidence. Social gratification strongly correlates with casual sexual encounters as individuals tend to complement each other based on their physical appearance instead of getting to know the other individual (Sumter, Vandenbosch, Ligtenberg 2017). Online dating sites are a vicious cycle where individuals seek others based on physical appearances, while they also seek reassurance about their own attractiveness. This obsession with physical appearance indicates that meeting others online is often impersonal and fabricated and it is not the same as meeting individuals face to face.

 

               Online dating enables access into the lives of potential partners as many dating applications, such as Tinder, are connected through Instagram and Facebook. With so much intrusion into another individual’s online persona, potential dating partners can ‘cyber stalk’ and create presumptions of that individual before actually meeting in person. This phenomenon is called Electronic Intrusion (Sumter, Vandenbosch, Ligtenberg 2017). Immediately, individuals judge others based on their profiles, pictures, and interests displayed online, before taking the chance to get to know them in person. This access eliminates all elements of intrigue and mystery for individuals to learn about each other through conversation as opposed to online hashtags (Suval, 2013). For example, on my profiles, but not all, one can find out how many siblings their potential partner has, their birthday, where they went to high school, and where they travelled last summer through these social media platforms.

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               ‘Cyber stalking’ aside, once in a relationship, digital media allows individuals access into their partners’ lives at all times (Reed, Tolman, Ward, Safyer 2015). After entering a cyber relationship, electronic intrusion continues and grows as one is always virtually connected to their partner. Through Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Find My Friends, and other mobile applications, individuals are constantly connected which makes it difficult to maintain boundaries. This constant connection may often lead to digital abuse (Reed, Tolman, Ward, Safyer 2015). Digital abuse suggests that the act of electronic intrusion before forming a meaningful connection with someone, or once the connection is already formed, can become a harmful factor to one’s relationship. For example, having a significant other on the ‘Find My Friends’ application can result in a lack of trust as one can constantly check up on your partner to see where they are. If individuals do not participate in electronic intrusion from the beginning of a relationship, it is less likely to occur throughout (Reed, Tolman, Ward, Safyer 2015).

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               As one in five relationships now begin online, there are fewer individuals that begin relationships through face to face interactions (Bridges, 2012). The vulnerabilities that are associated with interacting with others in person can be controlled effectively online (Chambers, 2013). However, without physically seeing the other person and their behavioural cues, how can one truly get to know another individual? These bonds can be referred to as ‘computer-mediated communication’ and can be damaging to one’s relationship because this context does not provide the same experience as forming a meaningful connection face to face (Kang and Hoffman, 2011). Online dating platforms have become an escape for those who are shy, self-conscious, or have social anxieties, as these are issues one does not have to worry about when hiding behind a screen.

 

               As a relationship progresses online, the next step is an in person interaction, and if social anxieties were present before, these anxieties may be improved, but will also still be present following the initial online interaction (Kang and Hoffman, 2011). In the past, initiating flirtatious communication with someone took courage, but now it has become as simple as sitting in the confinement of one’s own home and swiping left or right. As users interact with each other through online dating platforms, they begin to idealize their potential partner. The longer two individuals communicate online, the higher the expectations and the greater the disappointment there will be later on. People have too many expectations when switching from online to offline interactions, and often get let down (Kang and Hoffman, 2011). The sooner individuals meet head on following an online match, the better the outcome (Ramirez, Sumber, Fleuriet, Cole, 2015). Individuals have destroyed the unique initial contact by getting to know someone in person as interactions online can be strategically mediated. Individuals find it less intimidating to flirt or act promiscuous online and, therefore, may appear completely different in person (Chambers, 2013). Deborah Chambers discusses the ‘hyperpersonal effect’ in which people express a fear that the offline interaction will not live up to the online persona displayed online. It is suggested that individuals who become involved in online relationships are more often those who have difficulty in social situations (Couch, Liamputtong 2006). For one to overcome a fear Liamputtong suggests that they face the fear straight on and not hide from it. Individuals who suffer from social anxiety or are shy should not turn to online dating to run from their fears because all they are doing is making their fear worse.

 

               Online dating makes connecting with others all around the world, and even those who live next door, easier by providing the access to connect to anyone, anywhere, and at any time. However, it has also made it extremely unrealistic. Having access to someone who lives across the world may seem ideal if they have an immediate ‘online connection,’ however, the opportunity to meet face to face is unlikely to occur (Bridges, 2012). Online dating is a phenomenon that will not end but only continue to grow, which is why it is important for users to understand the negative destructive aspects of digital dating. Online dating platforms are only at the beginning of their peeks, as new ideas are constantly being introduced. For example, if you purchase the Tinder upgrade, one can see who likes them before swiping right as well one can view if an individual has read your message. These are bothexampleofmorenegativeaspectstodigitaldating. Forindividualswhowantto succeed in meaningful offline relationships, it is important to consider all the detriments that most people fall into when online dating. Through these insights, it is hoped that future online daters will not judge others simply by a picture or through online profiles through cyber stalking, and will be more open to immediate face to face interaction in order for a proper relationship to form.