“Hi my little Joji! Who’s a good boy?! Who’s a good boy?! YOU ARE!” I said to my 13-pound, caramel coloured, cockapoo in the voice I reserved for puppies and babies.

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                “Let’s go let’s go!” Joji barked and jumped right up to lick my chin.

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                “Hold on! I need to put my shoes on,” I sighed. I could use the exercise from all those casseroles. “You know, Brad used to love taking you for walks. He always said: we walk when the dog feels like it, not when I feel like it, because I never feel like it.” I laughed. “Who could resist getting some exercise and taking my little Joji for a W-A-L-K!” I got used to spelling it out to not get Joji too excited, but he was already barking like crazy.

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                “Did you say W?? OF COURSE I WANT TO GO FOR A W!” He woofed and pushed my legs out the door with his cute little nose. Like any puppy, Joji loved to walk. But he was very particular about the people we came across on our “mini adventures,” as Brad used to call them. In fact, he didn’t like when any man got near me; he only liked Brad.

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                “Mom, why are you walking near that man? Why is he coming so close to us? And he’s wearing yellow shoes. I hate the colour yellow. We need to get away from him!” Joji growled. “Why are you so calm about this!? Mama, he’s getting closer, I’m gonna save us! Oh no, I can’t protect us… RUN!” He barked consistently and extremely loudly as he pulled me across to the other side of the street.

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                “Joji everything’s okay, everything is going to be okay. That man didn’t do anything. You’re okay, and I’m okay. I guess…” I sighed. At least I left the house today. “Come on, it’s time to head home for breakfast,” I told him as I tugged him back the other way. As soon as we got home I went into the cupboard to pull out our food.

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                “I’m SO excited to eat!” Joji yelped and jumped around me in circles. “You know that eating is my favourite part of the day besides playing outside!”

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               “I made us our favourite meal, Joji, peanut butter on toast,” I said as I walked toward the couch to sit down. Joji followed and sat right next me. “Brad never understood why you liked peanut butter so much, or how much I hated eating meals alone.” I felt my eyes begin to water. “He didn’t understand how badly I needed you, my little Joji!”

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                “UGH. Why are you squeezing me so tight!?” Joji licked my face and made some weird grunting noise. “Wait… Are those tears again? I hate when your face tastes salty!” He let out a small wail as he cuddled right into my lap.

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                “He always said: I’ll just be gone for a few months this time. I’ll be back before you know it.” I complained to Joji as I played with the ring that I now wore as a necklace.

 

                I held the picture of Brad and me from last Christmas. “It was his favourite holiday,” I said as I stared at the picture frame in my hand. Joji jumped on me knocking the picture frame out of my hand. It shattered all over the floor.

 

               “JOJI NO!” I yelled as my vision blurred from my wet eyes. He ran to his bed; I think I scared him. But I needed to clear my head, away from the picture, away from anything that reminded me of Brad. I went outside to sit on the porch for a few minutes to catch my breath. I could hear Joji weeping from inside the house, but I tried to ignore him.

 

               “Why are you leaving? Oh. My. God. She left me. Noooooooo!” Joji howled. “Come back, come back! How long will you be gone this time? Why couldn’t you take me with you? Mama? I guess I just have to accept that I’m going to be alone forever. Why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do to you? I’m the best, best friend you could ever ask for. I snuggle right up into your lap when you’re sad and crying, you hug me tight and although I may squirm to get out, it does kind of feel nice. I even smashed that picture you always looked at, you cried lots after that, but I was just trying to help you, I hope you know that. I hate seeing you sad. Are you ever going to come back?” Joji wailed even louder.

 

               As I swung the door open, Joji ran so quickly towards me that he slipped on the hardwood. He fell flat on his stomach, and got right back up and jumped into my arms before I had the chance to say anything. I squeezed him and kissed him all over his furry little body.

 

              “Oh my god! Oh my god! Welcome back! I can’t believe you came home. I thought you were gone forever!” Joji groaned in excitement. “I’ll always be right here waiting for you forever and always, but please don’t leave me again!”

 

               "I’m so happy you’re here, Joji,” I said as I squeezed him just a little bit tighter.